That’s the very first sentence in the book The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest. This book about self sabotage is one of my all-time favorites!
One of the hardest things to do in this life is to look within to unravel the mess of stress, fear, and emotions that lurk below the surface. But when you want to heal, when you want to get unstuck, you must do the inner work.
Identifying self sabotaging behaviors is critical to your growth and progress. Knowing how to get out of your own way is powerful fuel for becoming your highest self.
Turns out there are many types of self sabotage.
Personally, I’m super familiar with justification. I often say I’m going to stop eating sugar and then order dessert after dinner out. The little voice in my head says, just this one time. I’ve been good this week.
Which of these types of self sabotage resonate with you?
Resistance – think of this as procrastination. It’s the invisible obstacle. It’s the “I’m going to scroll social media one more time before starting that project.”
Hitting Your Upper Limit – this is a concept from Gay Hendricks that says you’re comfortable with happiness to a certain point. When work and life get too good, you subconsciously do something to bring yourself back to your comfort zone. (Read The Big Leap for more info on this topic.)
Perfectionism – wanting everything to be right because you’re afraid of failing and/or afraid of being vulnerable.
Limited Emotional Processing – you lack the tools to effectively handle frustrating and uncomfortable feelings. You likely have poor coping mechanisms such as avoidance or rumination. This lack of healthy internal coping mechanisms often leads to external breakdowns and repeated cycles of stress.
Justification – you use excuses to momentarily feel satisfied.
Disorganization – clutter and mess everywhere…in your home, car, office.
Attachment to What You Don’t Want – you’ve outgrown something (an idea, a job, a relationship) yet haven’t moved on from it and feel like you can’t change your path.
Judging Others – finding something negative in someone in an attempt to help you feel better.
Pride – the stubborn ego that doesn’t ask for help and disguises feeling ashamed.
Guilt of Succeeding – you feel terrible for having nice things when there is so much misfortune in the world.
Fear of Failing – you’re holding yourself back because you’re afraid of looking bad.
Downplaying – you shoot down your achievements and make yourself seem less impressive in an attempt to get people to like you. You worry about boasting.
Being Busy – you’re overscheduled and overwhelmed in an attempt to avoid what’s really going on within. You’re avoiding yourself.
Time with Wrong People – the company you keep stresses you, but you continue the relationship.
Irrational Fear – you’re preoccupied with worst-case scenarios.
There are likely a few of these self sabotaging behaviors that resonated with you. Your new awareness is the first step in the process of behavior change. Now you will start to see just how often you’re engaging in these habits. And you can take steps to address the emotions and rewire past limiting beliefs.
Doing the inner work seems scary and laborious. Having support makes the process easier. So please reach out to talk through things with a trusted friend or therapist. Or consider my 4-week life coaching program Return to Self. Plus, journaling really helps sort through the cascade of thoughts and emotions.
Remember, happiness is within. It’s always there under the blankets of other emotions. When you process the sadness, grief, and jealousy, you’re left with happiness.
